good, bad, ugly---more fat than ugly

yesterday was hard. yesterday was rough. i wouldn't say it sucked. there wasn't anything BAD exactly that happened. i did cry. a lot. alone. on the phone. while text messaging. needless to say, i left my office door shut most of the day.

i haven't written much here and i'm not sure why. i guess in a way i didn't want to complain. or rant or worry. or just write sappy happy stuff. WHY NOT? i dunno. in a way i've just been floating through. trying NOT to think about time. enjoying repeat good news.

my 30 week appointment was monday. and it was fine news. my blood pressures are up a bit. my feet were swollen. my weight was fine (she said) and no proteins were found in my urine samples (TMI but all things they are looking for and mean SICK! STRAIGHT TO HOSPITAL!). the REALLY good news is that the baby is growing perfectly. heart beat was great. the tougher news was....well...reality.

i've been trying to get my doctor to pin down a delivery date. she wants to induce me about 37 or 38 weeks and i need to know a day. she said something like "Well, we can pencil that in but you probably won't make it that far." wha? wha? WHAT? she hadn't talked like that this entire time. i asked her if my BPs made her worry. No. Any other data that suggests i couldn't make it that far. not really. WELL?! it's just facts. the baby can come at any time. on the flip side, the baby could have come at any time up until this point. and she hasn't snug as a bug in my belly. and healthy. and growing. and i'm FINE. no, i'm VERY HEALTHY. so i need to chill.... but when your doctor says something like "tell your in-laws to buy an open ended plane ticket. the baby could be here at any time," you get a little....sensitive.

then of course i had to tell mike this stuff. then my mom. then sit and stew and feel my feet swelling. and worry. about nothing. and everything. i couldn't even send out my little up date email to family yesterday. i kept getting too emotional thinking about her being here earlier. so this morning i thought my best "Pollyanna" thoughts and typed this out:

Hi family!

I think I speak for Mike, too, when I say....WE CAN HEAR THE CLOCK TICKING. This little girl will be here in two short months!

Monday was my 30 week doctors appointment. Next week I do all my pre-registration at the hospital. Starting February 22 I will go once a week until she is born for check ups and ultrasounds. And between now and then we've signed up for many, MANY classes. We're pretty much cramming for the test. Ha! Luckily, we have a lot of good teachers, coaches and cheerleaders in all of you!

I'm feeling round as a house but the doctor says my weight gain looks fine. All tests on me came back clear and good. My blood pressure is starting to get a bit higher but nothing that the doctor is concerned about. Just usual third trimester stuff and I'll be watching it at home. Putting my feet up a little more and trying, as Mike tells me often, to "take it easy." She said the baby's heartbeat was great and her growth is spot on. There was good news all around.

I did try to nail down what my delivery date might be. As I mentioned in past emails, my doctor thinks the safe thing to do is go ahead and induce me about 38 weeks. She's starting to get pretty frank as we get closer to the end and she let me know that truly the baby could come any time. I guess that's true for other pregnancies, too, but certainly with my medical history this is just fact. They're watching us both closely and still are looking towards that 37/38 week mark (looking at April 1, 2, or 5)----but don't be surprised if you have to hop a plane or a train sooner to see us.

Until then, please keep up the warm papoose thoughts for Natalie Claire. We want her to stay inside and cook as long as possible!

We love you all!
-Leah

And this is all true. And I believe it. and I'm feeling much better today mentally. I do however, worry about my extremities. Excuse my while I prop my feet on a trash can.

besos.