suck it up

i used to LOVE jane magazine. then it went under. three months in to my 2 year subscription.

domino magazine. are you familiar? it's a home magazine. like lucky, for homes. well it's gone now. march will be it's last issue. luckily my cheap ass only paid for the year subscription at $12 and not the 2 or 3 year for like $15.

from the blogs:
"Domino magazine and its website will cease publication, Charles Townsend, president and CEO of Condé Nast, announced today. The announcement comes on the heels of naming Bill Wackermann as "publishing director" of the shelter magazine.

That was a bust. Domino, which offers advice on decorating, do-it-yourself projects, gardening, and party planning, will publish its final issue in March.

Take a magazine built around peddling products, couple that with a deepening recession in which people are less likely to purchase things, and you've got a recipe for failure. "This decision to cease publication of the magazine and its website is driven entirely by the economy," Townsend said. "Although readership and advertising response was encouraging in the early years, we have concluded that this economic market will not support our business expectations."

Domino was launched in April 2005. The magazine's current rate-base is 850,000."

and my february lucky, same publisher, never came this month. maybe they're next. see if i ever get a subscription to a magazine again. i'll just stand in borders reading them for free until they ALL go under. bitchez.

you should probably suck it up. what's gone now that you miss, like whoa? crystal pepsi? boo berry cereal? no fear gear?

sink in to a mild malaise

"a vague sense of mental or moral ill-being"

home. AGAIN. it was fun with my ice day buddy. but home alone today with the sun shining and...just me...i'm not having such a good time. even if classes are canceled tomorrow, i really feel like the college will be open and i can go to work. did i just type that.....?

like many others. i really can't stop listening to animal collective my girls.' well, maybe the others are over it by now. i'm not a fan in general of ac but this song is a bit like a musical coma cum hypnosis. like watching willy wonka. wilder. not depp. witness:


ALSO. in my blahness, i was planning get togethers in my head while blow drying my hair (as i often do) and realised the majority of the people i want at my vcb / tapas bash, preferably a girls night, don't live here. joh in nyc, brooke in durant (drive up!?), jenny is cinci and busy with theater, jenny l in law school, dawn and kristal pistol too far to drive...basically i will have to force rachel at tapas point to hang out with me and watch a movie. you know what....even though my local gf list is brief (rachel) i'm glad to know at least there are some insanely fabulous ladies that i call my friends. my far off friends.

the sunnyshine is making chunks of ice melt and fall off my house. it's a scary sound.

end.

share your eats / celeb crushes / links

what, me? just roasting a red pepper.

i'm with harpstar, this day off business is DRAGGING by. feels just like a lazy saturday except with worse tv and the inability to drive for provisions. our morning cravings: donuts, soda, booze. alas...my morning soundtrack= dying zombies and boys giggling. apparently there are others home today.

the 1/2 tube of frozen cookie dough was finally put to use as a mid-morning snack. i had to work some more. a brief convo with a writer at the local paper. maybe another article this week? hope my boss hearts me.

food is the theme for today. and more cheese (see last post) in a grilled sandwich version is requested for lunch. i always need a little..."pop" with mine so i decided to roast a red pepper i had on hand for tomorrow night's turkey chili. some roasted rp on my sandwich for lunch and leftovers will go great in the chili me thinks instead of a topping. plus, all mushed up, harpstar will never know what nutritious yum hit him! boring chicken stir fry for dinner tonight. just chicken breasts (marinated in sesame oil, soy sauce, garlic, ginger, s&p) chopped with a frozen veggie mix and brown rice. this is out of frugality joh, not a health conscious decision!

on two other food fronts, i'm planning my shopping list for the rock band extravaganza at my house. peeps are bringing stuff...but i always want to make too much. my current contribution list (hope to edit) will be alton's guac, bobby's mini burgs and martha's mac AKA "rock-amole", umm...mini burgers, and "mac n' cheese shots" served in individual portions. also making jello shots for funz. and sticking to cheap beer.

next, last night i was eating gp's turkey ragu while watching a re-run of 'spain...on the road again.' obsessed much? but it did inspire me to host a vicky cristina barcelona watch party in a week or so and serve tapas. i have a great tapas book and rarely use it but it all looks so cheesy, eggy, fishy and fried delish. tempranillo is in order. i may be the only guest. and maybe javier.

okay, okay....i spared you a few links. but you should probably tell me what foods you've been makin' or cravin', your celeb crush and include LOTS of links.

tell me what you do with a day off

home from work today with hot coffee and the last drops of aunty mary's homemade kahlua.

i'd planned to (and did) take home all my work and laptop home last night in case roads were bad. the ice was bad enough that they did cancel classes and more importantly closed the college which means i got to stay home guilt free. and maybe work free. it's 9am and no one has emailed.

it started with me doing the media closings at 4:30am. flipping through channels in my pjs to wind down. a brief nap with bowser then answering a few phone calls. okay. that was work. but none of these activities required me to leave the comfort of my pj pants.

just finished the last cheesy bites of my homemade egg and cheese muffin and plan to plant in front of the tv for the better part of the day. the neglected bathroom may nag me for a cleaning. maybe a load or two of laundry, but i don't mind. but i WILL NOT spend this day deep cleaning the house like i did when i was home on mlk day. nope. nothingness is in order.

you should probably tell me what you would do with one day off. 1-you can't leave the house due to hazardous road conditions. 2- you can't spend any money. okay, go!

tell me what you want / wish

i want to be told what to read. loan me a book. tell me what it meant to you. a list. a top 100 list. of books to read before you die. i kept a print out. a copy of a copy times 100. of the books a student should read before college. i was given at an aptitude testing facility. about 150 books, poems, plays. short stories. to this day i've likely read 15 on the list. and that was because i was in ap english in high school. i threw the list away in 2003. and stopped reading. except for the worn copy of mere christianity i pick up each year. read two chapters and stop again. thanks to my boss, i'm reading a book. that is now a movie. and had the film not been made. i would have never known it existed. man.

tell me what to watch. a movie. something old. "classic." i want to watch films. made when cinema was an art form. when there was a new wave. because there was an old wave. when film. tangible. was edited by hand. i want to be in yevtushenko's class. which i slept through. and made a c. i made a lot of c's in my film classes. made a b in kubrick&hitchcock. i want nights of cabria. i want the bicycle thieves. i want to watch jules et jim in your apartment. i want to see those films you dropped off at the library. i wish i wouldn't have made fun of manhattan. and 2001. i vow to utilize my netflix subscription.

i want to tell you how much you mean to him. how much you mean to her. to them. i want you to know how special you are. and how your hopes will come true.


you should probably tell me. what you want. what you wish.

share your frustration

the office mis-quoter stikes again.
me: "i need a 'done' pile"
mq: "a dung pile?"
grr...

also, though it's only been one week since my front page article---i haven't had anything since then. i went through some old files from past media relations folks with these fabulous and diverse pitches....and i feel like a slacker. which this week i am for some reason. it's wednesday. i'm thinking about friday.

having a tough go? you should probably tell me why you are frustrated.

try to understand

i re-read my blog about the web sites i read and felt a bit shallow. it's gone now. inspiring me to...try again.

i'm home for mlk day (thanks education institution!)and watching all the pre-inauguration hubbub on tv and reading up on my world news online. this will likely result in a midday panic attack and the stockpiling of money, guns, and canned meat. i get it from my mother. :) she hasn't asked me to prepare an escape route out of tulsa like she did on election day. this is a good sign.

i came across this article on time.com about understanding a trillion-dollar deficit. some lines i liked:
"There is a sense that when numbers are too big or too small, the brain just shuts off," says Colin Camerer, a professor of behavioral economics at the California Institute of Technology. "People either don't think about it at all or there is fear, an exaggerated reaction."

"My favorite way to think of it is in terms of seconds," says David Schwartz, a children's book author whose How Much Is a Million? tries to wrap young minds around the concept. "One million seconds comes out to be about 11½ days. A billion seconds is 32 years. And a trillion seconds is 32,000 years."

"A $700 billion bailout thereby translates into $45 per week for each American man, woman and child. Going one step further, it comes out to $6 a day. Are you willing to pay $6 a day to have a functioning financial system?"

this helped a bit. my brain stretched farther than understanding why hammer pants are coming back on the runways.

you should probably tell me what you wish you could understand....like those korean ladies at the nail place, right brooke?

analyze yourself

standing in front of my open freezer. looking at a huge bag of ice. half a tube of sugar cookie dough. half a log of chorizo. several halves of bags of frozen fruit. scant amounts of chocolate chips. butterscotch chips. walnuts. a bag of coffee. green beans. corn. and deciding what i could make for dinner from these.


let me 'splain. no. let me sum up. i went through a cycle of buying all organic food. or as much as made sense. scaled way back to basics. the same five or six meals in cycles. then started planning my shopping and went once a week buying for the seven days. now i'm in this weird...scavenger mode. it's the only way i can describe it. it's like i refuse to go to the store unless there is no choice. no milk, bread or toilet paper---then i'll go. and it isn't the money. maybe i feel uninspired. maybe i reallyfreakinhate reasors produce selection and wal-mart's lack of an actual meat counter. but the results have been this forced "make-due" menu that kind of rules.


for instance, i made my first bechamel sauce (or mornay according to wikipedia) cause i needed something to go with half a bag of rigatoni and 1/3 pound of ground beef. it became some lovely bastardized hamburger helper. didn't go to the store again today so two frozen (thanks wal-mart!) barramundi fillets will either become fish cakes or beer battered for din sunday. i do have fresh broccoli. and frozen peas. mushy peas anyone?


i say all this to say, i didn't want to make bechamel or beer batterred fish. but i have the stuff. i save everything. freeze one chicken breast or save the last teaspoon of teriyaki or jam because it could become a glaze for that chicken breast. chopped up and served on greens that's a meal for two.


so i feel like i suck. and rule at the same time? what does this saving scraps of food mean? am i just responding to the poor economy subconsciously?


other things i hate, other than throwing out food: the glob of hard lotion that comes off in your hand if you haven't used it in a while. when people leave the pizza box open. people who repeat what you just said, incorrectly (me: "whew, it's a cold day." annoying co-worker, "you're bold and gay?"), using a towel any less that three times (WASTE!), toilet paper that comes under instead of over. when the magazine hits the news stand before my subscription comes (grrr).


lay down on the couch. you should probably tell me what weird tick you have. at the very least, to make me feel better.

EDIT:

note to housemates; this is also annoying:

listen to your boss

after the second meeting in a row today with my boss she says, "anyone feel like going to cracker barrel?" i thought about my green salad, carrot sticks and hope to walk around utica square window shopping and replied, "'stacy' (co-worker fake name) is always wanting to go out for lunch. i wonder if she would?" and kept walking. as soon as the elevator closed i realized "ME! when you boss wants to go to lunch--GO!"

this stems from a few things. 1, i once readthebackofabook that said you should never have lunch alone. find someone at work to go with. someone in your industry. someone who can teach you something. help you. i get that. i also don't have an "entertainment" budget. and i like to go to barnes and noble and take walks on my lunch. so today i went back to my office. opened emails and listened to phone messages and she walked by again looking for people to go. so i dropped everything and went. we talked about the front page story i got; organic, grass fed beef and movies. good times. good use of calories.

so when you boss says something...suggests something...remember it. do it. ya know? and they say (who is "THEY!?!") you should get to know your boss' boss, too. keep your resume updates. so much to do. and worry about. but really....just do a good job. no myspace or facebook at work. i dunno....take care of what pays your bills, yo.

heart.

read a friggin book

the acts and sats are coming up for, well, those kids who have to take it. remember what hell that was? i took the act three times. scored the same twice. improved by one point another. never took the sat. never studied. sometimes i'm scared to think what i might have actually done in life had i put one ounce of "try" in. floating by feels good when you're doing it.

i know the acts are coming up because we offer practice tests, prep classes and such. and me being me (and suddenly "try"ing in my old age?) am looking for media tie ins. i've come up with something fun to shop around to all the community papers. it'll be great. i rule.

while doing research for the pitch i landed on the official sat site. with an sat practice problem of the day. it went something like this:

A 6-sided number cube, with faces numbered 1 through 6, is to be rolled twice. What is the probability that the number that comes up on the first roll will be less than the number that comes up on the second roll?

you don't know it and neither did i. but the funny thing is i wanted to know it. i pulled out a pad and pen and worked on this problem for...longer than one should dedicate to one sat problem. it's timed, you know. and when i felt like i had some semblance of an answer i clicked the button to see how to solve it. i was nowhere. even close. meh.

so i feel kind of dumb today. lacking. but my husband has told me he loves me like 5 times in 4 hours. so i rule a little?

i should probably read a friggin book. or buy some flashcards. oh! flashcards.

you should probably tell me what kind of flashcards you need this week. i want "ap style" flashcards.

hide your wallet

wines (spanish, so i can be cheap yet seem sophisticated)
$20

a visit to allen's gourmet foods for a smidge of mahon, humboldt fog and vosges red fire and bacon flavored chocolates:
$20

other groceries and yum makings:
$30

gas:
$15

you can see where my allegiance lies.

i'm not leaving the house for the rest of the weekend. and i should probably hide my wallet.

and you should tell me how you would spend $1. i'd buy an avacado.

just dance

like lady gaga toldja to. and like i did in my car all over tulsa looking for manchega.

songs that made me happy-
bros- panda bear
boys- m.i.a.
grounds for divorce- elbow
ragged wood- fleet foxes

i know the list looks pretentious and / or lame depending on the sophistication level of your ear-- nay-- interest in general. i openly admit that 94% of the music i like i heard first on xm radio. it's a magnificent tool to find music, old or new. i can't say enough about it.

was it jesse or tony who said my music collection was lame. it was one of those boys. and i'll always remember it. and always agree. but like what you like, ya know? people will judge you. i'll judge you. but your very faves, they make you happy don't they.

you should probably tell me what music makes you shimmy shake these days.

try harder to impress me

one of the news headlines on yahoo's site was Obama takes a break for some chili and sausage in D.C.

i really do not like my president being exploited like he is freaking lindsay lohan or something. also, associated press, is it just a slow news day or is this really hard hitting journalism?

when he wasn't eating, obama has also made some interesting decisions such as suggesting congress delay the dtv switchover due to take place in february. this after the federal government has required broadcasters to not only be preparing their own stations for the mandated change but also forfeiting millions of dollars of advertising airtime for required airing of dtv awareness psas. i thought (and hope) he had a grasp on reality. and i understand his reasons it just doesn't seem feasible to me. or fair.

i'm actually in a good mood today. i should avoid news outlets. and you should probably try harder to impress me, world.

leave the house today

because i'm not sure if i will.

the plan was to sleep late. window shop a few stores at utica square. hit a movie before noon. shop and cook a few treats for the fam rock band get together tonight (tapas style meatballs and brownies from scrizatch). (and pray for no media calls on the event today).

instead harp and i woke up at 7:30. eyes wide open. i'm on the fence about the reader. and what do i find on cable but a 24 hour marathon of the show i got obsessed with in late summer 'Spain...On the Road Again." i've made many of you watch the trailer. and i'll make you again. this makes me happy from head to toe. i think because i love to travel yet haven't in many years. i want to be gwyneth paltrow. to cook like mark bittman. to have mario batali as a friend. and be as hot as claudia bassols. i want to be cool enough to be on this road trip.



even though this series aired on oeta / pbs we didn't get it here. so i had to download them each week on itunes. then watch them on my crappy computer. and with 13episodes i just couldn't keep up.

so, you should probably leave the house today....because instead of writing something wonderful like bittman, cooking something scrumptious like mario (unless the meatballs turn out bomb), work out for two hours like gp or....just be hot like claudia....i'm making a pot of coffee and parking on the couch for 6 or 8 hours.

see a movie

because the golden globes are sunday. and they are the best indication of who will win an oscar. i don't believe in oscars. so watch the golden globes so you know who the oscar voters are cheating off of.

in the meantime, i'm trying to cram a few more films in. i like to know what the heck i'm rooting for.

doubt was great. slumdog millionaire was amazing. the curious case of benjamin button was 'meh.'

i won't see milk. or frost/nixon. or gran torino. because i just don't care. unless you tell me otherwise. i won't see revolutionary road BECAUSE IT ISN'T IN TULSA YET. assholes.

so saturday morning before noon (= cheap) i will likely go see the reader at amc. or bride wars. not an award nom. but i need something fluffy.

you should probably come with me. or suggest another movie for me to see.

do it.

give yourself a hug

i felt like i deserved my job today.

it isn't that i'm anything special. but this position was very sought after. there was a massive round of hiring in spring that i was overlooked for. those candidates were all dropped. then a second round just as i was laid off from the tv station. i got some amazing strings pulled from some amazing people and was considered this time. it took four rounds of interviews. and i got it. that means a lot to me.

some days aren't so good. i feel in over my head. it's a new industry with new issues and new lingo. but essentially i know how to do my job. it's making my skills (talents, i hope) work where i am now.

today i felt like i deserved being the one. after all those rounds and all those people. nothing special. but i was asked to sit in on several projects. my opinion was sought. i put in my two cents and was praised. i landed two media stories. i was worn out by 3pm. and now i'm about to watch a positive story on my employer on a local tv station. heart.

so i give myself a hug today. and i want to give one to you.

i hope you give yourself hugs. that you have days when you think "i'm a great mom" or "i'm a kick ass driver." maybe "someone should pay me for this amazing oatmeal i made." or maybe you feel like you did a good job at your...job. these are tough times. and i refuse to be worried. i want to celebrate small victories.

so, you should probably give yourself a hug. leave me a note and let me know why.