yikes

i'm lucky to know a nurse practitioner who has a background in all things prenatal because today, well, starting last night, i was concerned for my well being.

i was feeling thudding in my lower abdomen. was it the baby kicking? was it trying to get out? was my body rejecting it? was i gassy? it's continued today. and it's distracting. and it makes me want to giggle.

i described all this to my smart friend in an email and she said i was quickening which sounds gross to me but really means the baby is just grooving around. it's so small still it isn't like i feel a bow to the kidney. but it's little stretches and punches are now registering on my uterine muscles. weird.

so i'm glad i'm not a) imaging this or b)having a system failure.

the truth is, from this point on i'm in uncharted waters. i got very sick very quick at about 21 weeks with the last pregnancy. i never felt the baby move. at least nothing like this. i never found out the gender as the baby was under developed. and now i KNOW i'm having a girl. my brain still can't really process this. and even though i had to deliver the baby it was a little tiny thing so while the drugs and hubbub will be familiar the actuality of anything after 5 months, of delivering a full sized kiddo, or then TAKING IT HOME and parenting it is beyond me.

so i'm learning each day now. i'm scared. i'm excited. i'm lucky to have friends who listen, give suggestions, and calm my worries.

besos lovies!